No Salt Required! (Food as Art...)

This year's Salon Culinaire Entry

If you're old enough, you might remember Lenny Henry's sit-com 'Chef.' The first episode aired with Henry as the chef, tearing a customer off a strip for daring to ask for salt! Obviously the chef gets his comedic comeuppance, but it's a scene that has stayed with me since long before I became a chef myself.

Have I mentioned that I started out as an artist? No? Surely I have? I'm always banging on about being at the same art college as Tracy Emin (same college, different courses!) More importantly, I was at the same art college as my future wife! We met in Kent, and ended up in Norwich via Sarah's stint at Norwich Art School (as it was then called.) Anyhow, you ask; "What has this got to do with salt?" Well, here goes:

When I serve up a dish in the restaurant, one of our lovely friendly staff deliver it to your table, and ask: "Would you like anything with that?" Sometimes I'm in earshot when a customer says: "just some salt please?" (Quite an achievement sometimes, as I only have one ear that works!)

Salt!? Salt!? Why would you assume that you need extra seasoning on a dish? Moreover, some people put salt on before they've even tasted it! ('Autosalination' was a word one of my former chefs coined for this condition.) In these situations I'm prone to make the diner the butt of a series of Lenny Henry style sarcastic put-downs, or at the very least I'll come and take the salt away until they've tried the dish. When you think about it, you wouldn't ask for salt in every restaurant. If you went into a Michelin starred restaurant, you'd know you'd get thrown out if you asked for salt! Even in your average, everyday fine-dining restaurant. Why not? Perhaps you'd say that the chef in charge you'd imagine, is well trained and experienced, and you'd think they know what they're doing? Should you ask for salt in any restaurant that doesn't have it on the table?

Now, going back to my artist days, I made a living, first in exhibition design, and later painting trompe l'oeil murals (I was trained in scene painting by a lovely old theatre artist.) I would create designs for people to choose from, and then execute them. I would often discourage the client from watching until the mural was completed, as the in-between stages often looked worse, before it looked finished! But then I could unveil the finished item for them to enjoy! Being painted on a wall, they would be pretty permanent, but maybe only as permanent as a tattoo, sometimes they got painted over by the next owner of the house. I once painted the entire inside of a hotel restaurant, only for the whole building to be demolished two years later!

I'm quite proud that my paintings were always well received by the owners. If I had been a fine artist, I'd have been offering up my work in galleries for purchase. Art of course, is a matter of personal taste, you choose the work you like, you can buy or commission art, and occasionally there might be things about it you don't like; Something in the composition misplaced, a jarring colour, maybe it's a portrait that you don't think is accurate? In any case, the artist has offered up the work in good faith, saying "This is my best interpretation." There might be other better works, some might be very accomplished, others more amateur, but the one thing in common, is that they're never usually accompanied by a brush and a tin of paint (just in case you'd like to change something yourself?) Actually changes can be justified sometimes; I was once asked by a potential customer if I could paint out a dog in a mural in their house? The person in question had bought a house which already had a mural in it, but it featured the family pet of the previous owners, obviously placed there as a favour by the artist, but not really wanted by the new owner, who liked the rest of the painting.

Back to the salt; Everything that I offer up to the table today comes, in my opinion, perfectly seasoned; It needs no more salt, no less. There is salt available, for the things that are not seasoned (eg: Chips.) I put salt in at the beginning of the process, it enhances the flavours, I might need to adjust the seasoning at the end, but if you put too much salt on after the cooking is finished, it just tastes of salt! Just as I wouldn't have offered extra paint with my murals, I wouldn't offer any extra seasoning with my food.

Is that presumptuous? Conceited? Why would I know how you like your food? I don't, I know how I like my food, and that's how I serve it. Going back to those fine dining restaurants; Those trained chefs? I have been cooking for longer than some of them have been alive, professionally for twenty years, with a professional qualification under my belt. Just because it's casual dining doesn't mean it's any less sincerely offered.

Is there a level of restaurant below which you need to do your own seasoning? Health issues aside, I don't think so. Just occasionally you will get a plate where you can see that nothing has been seasoned and it should have been, but when a chef has been involved then whatever they put up, is however they intended it to taste. If you change it, how can you compare dishes?

"But is it art?" As they say. Can such ephemera be compared with something in a frame? I've already told you that some of my murals have long since disappeared, seemingly permanent, but it turns out, ephemeral. As an artist, I always had a utilitarian, decorator's attitude to art, mine was never on a pedestal, I probably didn't take it as seriously as I do cooking. These dishes that I now offer up are also framed; We think about their composition, but unlike fine art, they're not appreciated with just the one sense, nor two like film, nor even three, but four senses of taste, smell, sight and touch (arguably.) It's just that this 'art' is literally consumed within minutes. And yes, you might not like it, you might think you should have chosen something else... But if you're going to ask for salt, make sure you're on my deaf side!

Postscript: If you want to see some of my painting, and some of my wife's; You can see some in the restaurant. Sarah's is the canvas over 'The Snug' (round table.) Mine appears scattered around the restaurant. You can then ask "Is it art?"